Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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