I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
These tits shall not be calmed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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