I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
