i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
