I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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