hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
