dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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