using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
