Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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