Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
