Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
