i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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