grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
