if only i could text you this smell
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
