He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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