i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
