Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
