so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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