My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
