Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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