I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
