You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
