yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
