I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
