a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
