I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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