i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
