went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
