this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
