apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
