I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
