thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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