Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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