this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
