Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
