Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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