that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
