im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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