ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
