last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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