My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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