Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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