just tell him i said nine months
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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