if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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