WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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