I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
