I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
