i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
