he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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