possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
