paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
