I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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