I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
