so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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