i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
