hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We have so much sex to catch up on
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize