He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i believe in u and ur pee
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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