hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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