did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
