Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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