come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
