I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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