so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
