dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
