Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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