one might say we're banned from that church
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
