Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
