can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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