my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
