my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
