I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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