Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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