We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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