I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize