how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
